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Name: Matt "Doc" Martin
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NOTICE TO ALL WHO READ THIS JOURNAL O’MINE.
You can post here if you don't have an LJ. But, YOU MUST IDENTIFY YOURSELF IN SOME WAY TO ME. If you do not, your comment will be screened by me. And I will feed you to the wolves.
In the end, you’ll know which people really love you. They’re the ones who see you for who you are and, no matter what, always find a way to be at your side.
I used to think every day I didn't wake up and gargle a few rounds from a revolver was a victory, but little "golden moments" like this make me wonder, "A victory for who?"
When facing difficult tasks, act as though it's impossible to fail. If you're going after Moby Dick, take along the tartar sauce.
To hell with Nietzsche. I'm tired of being strengthened.
-Solomon Short
Don't say another word. Up until now, I've been polite. If you say anything else - word one - I will kill myself. And when my tainted spirit finds it's destination, I will topple the master of that dark place. From my black throne, I will lash together a machine of bone and blood, and fueled by my hatred for you this fear engine will bore a hole between this world and that one.
When it begins, you will hear the sound of children screaming - as though from a great distance. A smoking orb of nothing will grow above your bed, and from it will emerge a thousand starving crows. As I slip through the widening maw in my new form, you will catch only a glimpse of my radiance before you are incinerated. Then, as the tears of bubbling pitch stream down my face, my dark work will begin.
I will open one of my six mouths, and I will sing the song that ends the earth. |
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July 2009 |
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
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And I don't want to forget how your voice sounds
These words are all I have so I'll write themI had all sorts of fun things to write about, then a pit bull tore a piece out of my neck. 7 stitches later, I am thinking hard about the vicodin script they wrote for me. The good news is it missed my carotid artery by 1/2". EVERY DOCTOR that came in had to mention that. One said they had never seen a bite like that. So it was a fun 4th and 3 hours in the hospital I will never see again! At least I still set off some fireworks and had a cookout that ![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) novaengliae and her hubby came for. No fingers were lost! Oh, and the dog gets a 10 day vacation with animal control, neighbors are fined for not having tags on the dog, and I presented them with $100 copay for emergency room visit. Tomorrow I bring them the $20 bill for the antibiotic and vicodin. If they give me any crap, I sue them for their house. It was a lovely reminder that there were things I need to take care of, though. I did one today...a few more to go. ( EDIT: Nasty pics behind cut )Current Mood:  sore
What's playing now: "Dance, Dance" Fall Out Boy
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She'd make fun of you,
and even in bed
Said she was gonna go and get herself a real man instead
There are few secrets in my life. If you don’t know something about me, most likely you just haven’t asked the right question.
What I like is when I find out another of my problems. Recently, I saw my psychiatrist, as I was due for a refill on one of my meds. During the appointment, I made casual mention of what I call (thank you, Lexus!) my “relentless pursuit of perfection”, or my strong desire to get “better” every day. And, over the course of the last 20 years, I have gotten better. But there are still things that need serious work.
Case in point: Recently, I helped a friend’s dad move. But, I gained an attitude when I showed up and it was a disorganized, unpacked mess. Here is the thing: I was not promised anything. I was asked to help, and I agreed to help. A “good Matt” would show up, do whatever was asked without complaint or sarcasm. It was, unfortunately, more of a bad Matt. Yes, I helped lug stuff and did work consistently, but I was a bit of a dick.
Case in point #2: There are times I have ascribed motives, etc to people for their actions that may not be the case. When that happens, I tend to pick bad motives, as I have issues like that. The real problem begins when I then act based of MY thoughts, which may or may not actually match up with the facts. That cost me some online “friends”.
The thing is, I don’t like me, and never much have.
So my psychiatrist mentions the inherent flaw in my theory of “the relentless pursuit of perfection”: I tend to project my desires for myself onto others. Obviously, if I set ridiculously high standards for myself that I fail to meet; other people have no freaking chance, yes? And here I was thinking that I would NEVER do that. But, I guess I do. I hate failing people. I hate failing myself. I just wish I could get a handle on it all. The good news is, knowing is half the battle. It is also the easier half, as far as I know. Actually FIXING it takes a bit more effort. I still have a Crusader mentality, and a strong sense of what is right and wrong to me. I still believe in fiercely defending my friends, though that has bit me in the ass before. But to me, it is the right thing to do. Moderation, however, is key. And knowing the problem is the first step to solving it. That counts for something, eh? Current Mood:  pensive
What's playing now: "Can You Forgive Her" - Pet Shop Boys
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What? Nothing good to read here? Help me meet my goal and maybe I will treat you all. The good news is, now there is an official link I can share, so no more sending to my PayPal! http://tinyurl.com/Relay4Lifemm Click there, and donate! Tally stands at: 1)jspencer91
2)conejodanz/mavlock
3)conejodanz
4)conejodanz
5)girlwithoutfear
6)
7)
8)
9)
10)
11)
12) Total: $138.90 / $250.00 thanks to a donation from novaengliae. So again, go here: http://tinyurl.com/Relay4Lifemm to help me with my goal of raising money for cancer. Go here: to assist the venerable rev_thumper raise money for MS research. Go here to assist the venerable rev_thumper's wife conejodanz raise money for, you guessed it, MS research. Go here to assist novaengliae against leukemia. And I will come right out and say it, though it is crass of me: I am damn disappointed that I have not met my paltry $250 goal. I have friends that have less money than I and donated to my cause, and I have damn little money myself, yet I have donated myself to the ACS AND to novaengliae and conejodanz. Maybe some of you can pass on a movie or some other luxury and open your wallets to toss a few bucks to some good charities? There are now 4 links for 3 different diseases. All link to official sites, so no worries about monies not going where they need to. (Though I dare ANYONE to say that I would rip a charity off) Think about where your money goes now, then think about anyone you know or knew with cancer, MS, or leukemia. And click a link, for crying out loud. Mass email to send soon. (Oh, yes..I will pester you) Current Mood:  wondering why so many cheap pe
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Previous 
getting better every day
crazy
cynical
curious
a bit concerned about religious right
fighting
scared